On more than one occasion, I’ve looked at the small bookshelf in my room and have become embarrassed when I notice the copy of The Lovely Bones on it.
The things on my shelf seem like a reflection of me. I anticipate people coming in to my home, perusing through my belongings, and then making their own judgment on who I am and what I’m about. Sometimes, before a new guest comes over, I look around with fresh eyes thinking, “Is this the Lucy I want them to be acquainted with? Will they know at first glance that I was given a copy of Twilight as a present before it was even popular?” I want to leave a good impression. Actually, not so much good as accurate or more like in keeping with whatever persona the given person associates with me. You are probably wondering why I feel the need to impress these people. I don’t really. People that know me are given no thought at all. It’s the new people. I’m not so much worried or insecure about my interests. It’s more that I’m not confident in their ability to correctly assess me. I feel like the things that I own are an extension of me in a way. They are a part of my personality and if said people are unable to realize that owning Heroes season 1 and 2 does not mean that I just haven’t gotten around to purchasing the following seasons but really that they make me sick – I’m in for a world of trouble.
Everything is highly calculated. Most of the time. Sometimes. Well, when I feel like it and only in some places. I own very few DVDs, but they are all movies/tv shows that I love so that doesn’t really pose a problem…unless they somehow forget that Eli exists and think I have a weird obsession with Thomas the Tank Engine. In case this happens, I place them next to The Royal Tenenbaums and hope they just think I collect movies Alec Baldwin narrates. I have the Karate Kid trilogy on VHS and DVD just to drill the point home. You will find no where in my home a Karate Kid movie with a girl or a black person with a Chinese guy as the lead characters. If I wanted to see that, I would have just gone to sleep and watched my nightmares. I have something called a Harry Potter corner, but that doesn’t mean that Harry Potter memorabilia can be contained to one corner. I mean, who can contain magic? The only thing that might be misinterpreted is my owning two copies of The Lovely Bones. And two copies of *David Sedaris’ Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk. My fear is that people will make the mistake of thinking that two copies of a book means I like it more when actually two copies means that I hate it.
Maybe I’m not confident in my new friends because I’m making myself impossible to interpret…
Who needs friends anyways.
* Don’t assume I dislike David Sedaris. I love me some David Sedaris, but I hate me all of that book. I’ve seen him read twice and it was amazing both times. If you have a chance to go, don’t pass it up.
