I experienced something odd yesterday (and by “yesterday” – I mean 5 months ago because that’s when this realization first occurred. Let’s journey back in time.)
It’s “Back to School” time. I’m in the South, so you could also call it August. But it was, more specifically, the week that all the local colleges are beginning. I live in Nashville and we have a fair amount of legitimate Universities for a a less than large city so that means that my usual haunts are over run by 18 year olds. If you don’t know me that well, my usual haunt is Target, but I frequent two Targets that are within 5 miles of each other so I had to make it plural. I was warned by someone (that I assumed to be exaggerating) to not go to the aforementioned haunt because of the hordes of young people buying extralong fitted sheets (shout out to Cranky Tea) and $50 couches that probably won’t last until Labor Day. Crowds don’t bother me in general and it’s going to take a lot more than a long line to keep me from buying $80 worth of unnecessary things.
But I shouldn’t have gone.
I learned a hard lesson that day. Everyone looks alike. Well, not “everyone” – I’m not racist. Just white boys.
I usually have a mild anxiety attack everytime I recognize someone in public. I’m not completely socially inept, but I’m not a butterfly either. If I know I’m going to see people, I can handle it because I’m prepared. I get a stomachache and wish that I was in bed sleeping just like everyone else does when they go out for a fun evening. But, when caught off guard, my first instinct is always to hide. God made me well-equipped with the sensory system of the perpetually hunted. In a past life, I was a merekat amidst a plain filled with lions ..or wait. They get along, don’t they? I was a merekat facing an evil skinny old lion that’s duped a group of hyenas into following him and ruining their pridelands. And, while I was at Target, I hid behind every row of greeting cards, coat rack, and HDTV possible to avoid what could have been an awkward “Hello” and smile. It’s hard to shake that unnerving rush.
The weird thing is, I was only seeing people I knew from freshman year of college – as they were when I knew them during their freshman year. I’m two presidential terms away from freshman year in college, so unless they time traveled…. No, no way. None of them could afford that. So, my point is – - why do people in college always look the same?? Why did I see my group of friends * (*random groups of friends – not actually groups that included me) at Target 8 years later buying new things for their dorms?? Okay, so I know your first thought is the same as mine. They are vampires that don’t age so they have to keep restarting their lives over, but forgot to relocate before enrolling in college for the 50th time. But, as plausible as that sounds, I don’t think that’s it. It’s that dumb shaggy haircut is what it is. So this wasn’t a hard mystery to solve, but knowing the reason everyone that age looks the same doesn’t change the fact that I can’t leave my house for fear of running into the ghosts of my past.
This even leaves me wondering how bad my eyes are that I think every person is someone I know from the past with a similar haircut. I’m not bad with faces and I don’t normally lump people together into such generalized groups. I can tell the difference between Urkel and Carlton. (About 30 lbs and some awesome dance moves, am I right?!) The moral of this story? Young male caucasians are my Scar.
